Communicating can be difficult. Especially when it seems like the person we are speaking to knows just the right things to get our blood boiling. It is so easy to react quickly to what’s being said instead of listening and responding. We can find ourselves caught up in a pattern of having instinctive reactions rather than intentionally responding. However, learning healthy strategies to respond vs. react can foster the deep connection we long for in our most important relationships. When we react, there is a sense of need for immediate action. Instead of pausing to consider what’s being said, we operate out of an automatic response to the situation. When we choose to respond, we pause and allow ourselves opportunities to reflect on the situation. After the pause, we find ourselves in thoughtful action. That is, the response is intentional and carefully considers the entire situation and long-term goals for the relationship. Below are 5 skills to practice to develop thoughtful responses:
Journal Reflection
Take a few moments each day to journal about a situation that triggered an emotional response. Reflect on whether your reaction was immediate (reacting) or thoughtful and intentional (responding). In your journaling, consider alternative ways that you could have responded.
Role Playing
Role Playing is a great way to practice emotional regulation and responding. Pair up with a friend and practice in role-playing scenarios. Swap roles with your friend allowing one of you to respond and the other to react. Discuss the differences between each approach.
Stress Management
We live in a fast-paced and stress-inducing society. Stress can impact our tolerance for working through difficult situations. Take time to learn and practice stress management techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. When you are feeling stressed, take a moment to implement these techniques. This practice can reduce the urge to react.
Practice Communicating
Take a moment to engage in a conversation with your partner or a friend. Practice actively listening by checking your body language, confirming what you hear your partner saying, and providing feedback. Engage in a conversation with a partner. Be aware of your emotional reactions and make attempts to express yourself in a way that fosters understanding instead of defending your position.
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