I’m very excited to write my first blog for Northstar, and I’ve decided to write about something that is very near and dear to my heart as both an individual and a therapist: ADHD! I was diagnosed with ADHD 5 years ago at the age of 29, and it was honestly the missing piece to figuring out the puzzle that was my mental health. After going to several different therapists and trying multiple antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications from the time I was 13, it was treating my ADHD that finally made me feel whole and happy.
One of the most common topics I work with my ADHD clients on is “productivity.” Many times, folks with ADHD struggle to stay organized, to start tasks that feel too complicated, and to not become overwhelmed by what feels like a mountain of things they need to get done. Here are five things for you to try to feel more productive and successful as a person with ADHD.
- Learning how to say “no” to stop the cycle of overload
As a person with ADHD, one of the things I struggle the most with is this nagging feeling that I should always be doing more. Sometimes, this can come from a place of excitement, like wanting to start a new project or hobby that I’ve been researching; at other times, this can come from a more negative motivation, like a thought that I’m just not being “productive” enough and I need to push myself harder.
Regardless, over-committing and overloading yourself as a person with ADHD can kick-start a spiral that I’ve come to call the “Cycle of Overload”. First, you take on way too many tasks. Second, because you have taken on so many tasks that not even the most productive human being known to man could complete them all, inevitably you “fail”, and either can’t do it all or do it all in a mad dash and most of it doesn’t turn out how you want it to. Third, because you’re upset at yourself for your “failures” last time, you tell yourself you just need to work harder next time, leading you to over-commit again. And on and on the cycle spins.
If this sounds familiar to you, the most important thing you can do is learn to say no! Whether you’re saying no to your own brain or politely declining a request from a friend, saying “no thanks!” more often is the best medicine for feeling overwhelmed.
- Making shorter and smarter to-do-lists
A common thing I see with my clients who have ADHD is a love of list-making – and I am guilty of this too. You could open the Notes app on the phone of most ADHD people and you will find at least one or two huge lists of everything under the sun that person has thought about needing to get done. The problem is that if you’re not using lists well, they can be more harmful than helpful.
One of the common symptoms of ADHD is a difficulty starting tasks, especially tasks that are seemingly more complicated or have multiple steps. Creating a huge, comprehensive list of everything you need to do and trying to work off of only that is a surefire way to induce choice paralysis. So, while it can be helpful to start by creating yourself a “masterlist” of everything you eventually need to get done, do NOT use that masterlist as a way of guiding your day. Instead, pick a handful of things from your master list to put on your “to-do today” list. I’d say start with three things, maximum, because most people with ADHD struggle with….
- Properly allocating time to complete tasks
Many ADHD people struggle with “time blindness” – we just don’t seemingly experience the passage of time the way other people do. When we’re bored, five minutes seems like an hour; when we’re hyperfocusing on something that we’re really interested in, two hours goes by in the blink of an eye. Because of this, it can be hard for us to plan out a day because we just assume tasks will take a lot more or less time than they actually will.
To help with this, there are two tips I have people try. First, when estimating how much time something will take, just double it, especially if it’s something you haven’t done before. This is similar in theory to the tip of only putting three things on a list at a time – it’s always better to have extra time to do more (or to just relax!) than it is to feel like you’re running out of time.
Second, if it’s a task or something you’ll have to do repeatedly – like a household chore – time yourself doing it multiple times. Once you’ve done that several times, you’ll have an average idea of how much time to give yourself to get something done. Even then, it never hurts to give yourself a cushion of extra time when planning out your day!
- Build habits that help you not have to think about things
For a while, I had a pretty terrible morning ritual of freaking out because I could not find my keys and/or my wallet before leaving the house. This would often start my morning off on the wrong foot. At best, I would be rushing out the door after having checked a few places; at worst, I would be on the verge of a breakdown as I flipped over every couch cushion and went through every pair of pants I had worn that week desperately searching for my keys. Oftentimes, it is the tasks that “should” be so simple that can often cause us ADHD people the most emotional angst when they go sideways. That’s why building structure and routine around these small, everyday actions can go such a long way for us.
For me, I now have a little leather bowl that I put my wallet and keys in immediately upon walking into the door. To begin learning this habit, I would ask my wife to remind me as soon as I walked in the door to do it. I also programmed a reminder on my phone that would go off at common times that I’d be coming home, like after a work day. Now that this behavior is automatic for me, my mornings are much less stressful.
Bonus tip: An effective way of incorporating new items to your daily routine is to “stack” new behaviors on top of already established routines. I used to also struggle with remembering to take medication in the morning. Now, I have my meds for the day within reach of my keys and my wallet; since I can’t leave the house without my keys, I now can’t leave the house without taking my meds.
- Forget how you think things “should work” and embrace how you can make it work
Now that you’ve read my entire blog post, I’m going to tell you that maybe these tips won’t work for you. Or maybe they’ll only kind of work for you. And that’s okay! In figuring out how to be my best ADHD self and in my time as a therapist helping clients with ADHD, the one thing I’ve learned that is constant with ADHD is that everybody’s is a little bit different. What might work for me and hundreds of other people might not work for you, and what works for you might not work for anybody else.
WHO CARES! If it works for you, it works for you. We as ADHD people already spend enough time grappling with the emotional fallout of what we feel we “should” be able to do without help. For instance, my partner has an incredible memory; she can keep a pristine calendar in her head, remember a phone number after hearing it once, keep track of three different mental timers while she’s cooking, and put a face to a name after even just a passing conversation. I wish I could do that – and for a long time, I beat myself up by telling myself I “should” be able to do that and that the only reason I couldn’t was because I wasn’t trying hard enough.
But that’s just not true! My brain is ADHD; her’s is not. To remember phone numbers, I need to save them in my phone; to remember dates, I need to keep a calendar; I have to set a timer for what I’m cooking or I’m gonna burn it. And sometimes, I’m just not going to be able to put a face to a name. We live in a time where there are more ways than ever to thrive with ADHD thanks to portable computers, smart devices, medication, and tons of other tools at our disposal. Try as many as you need to figure out what works best for you!
Hopefully, some of these things are helpful for you, regardless of whether you have ADHD or not. If you are looking for more ideass on how to live your best ADHD life, I would recommend checking out https://www.additudemag.com/ as a place to start. Successfully managing the challenges of ADHD is what allows the positive aspects of your ADHD brain to really shine through!