A review of No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Dr. Richard Schwartz
“When we learn to love all our parts, we can learn to love all people—and that will contribute to healing the world.”
-Dr. Richard Schwartz
Often in life we find ourselves struggling with holding multiple positions: I’m upset with my partner, and I want to forgive them. I feel excitement and sadness about an upcoming change. One part of me says “you should reconnect with that person!” but another part says “they hurt you, keep yourself safe!” Many of us have also had experiences of wondering why we are acting the way we are… “I can’t believe I yelled at that stranger! That’s not how I act! Who was that?!” We might beat ourselves up a lot, and then maybe we get upset about how poorly we’re treating ourselves (struggling with your inner critic?). These conflicts and dualities show up within us, at odds with the idea that we have one “true” self, or one “true” way of feeling. Instead, the answer to the question, “how do I really feel?” is often quite complex and at first glance may seem confusing, a mix of conflicting stances.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) has been gaining support over the years as therapists and clients find that this approach can be powerfully impactful in healing. Whether integrating this into work with a therapist or on our own, IFS techniques are an amazing tool in understanding ourselves, understanding why we hold differing positions, and finding cohesion between parts of ourselves that take a multitude of stances.
Dr. Richard Schwartz, developer of IFS and author of No Bad Parts, says, “All of us are born with many sub-minds—or parts . . . These parts are not imaginary or symbolic. They are individuals who exist as an internal family within us—and the key to health and happiness is to honor, understand, and love every part.”
No Bad Parts invites us to use IFS techniques to explore and honor these different parts of ourselves from a place of curiosity, connectedness, and compassion. Bringing curiosity to the protective part of us who says “don’t ever have contact with that person again!” can help us understand what we need in order to feel safe. Being compassionate with the part of us that feels sad about the upcoming transition can help us feel and move through those emotions, not letting the (very real) excitement we feel bypass the emotional experience.
I’m a big fan of Dr. Richard Schwartz’s work, but I have to say, No Bad Parts takes the cake as far as a great introduction to, or deepening of, the work we can do with IFS.
As an integrative therapist, I have found IFS (and ego state or parts work–as with many kinds of therapy, these ideas shows up in multiple models, but perhaps the most popularly known model is IFS) to be a beautiful and important part of enhancing self understanding and decreasing internal conflict. It can be woven into EMDR, emotionally focused therapy (EFT), attachment based therapies, and other models quite beautifully, or can be the primary model that therapists work from. As No Bad Parts makes clear, this work does not belong only to therapy–using these techniques can also be powerful outside of the therapy room as part of your own reading, writing, mindfulness practices, and so forth. Though, the guidance of a skilled therapist who is comfortable with IFS is important in certain situations and can be helpful in delving into deeper healing.
No Bad Parts helps us understand and map out different parts of ourselves, coming to greater familiarity with how to recognize different parts and to help meet their needs. The exercises within can help us come from a place of greater compassion and openness so that rather than fighting parts of ourselves, we can begin to instead offer the care that those parts need, and even offer healing so that those parts of ourselves are no longer stuck in old, unharmonious patterns. This book is useful in coming to understand what triggers different parts of ourselves to show up in ways that we may not always appreciate, and how to offer safety and healing to those parts so that they can trust that we will keep ourselves safe and connected. If you’re new to IFS or parts work, this all may sound a little confusing and out there… But the book No Bad Parts does a wonderful job of offering ways to intuitively explore and support parts of ourselves, and many therapists are integrating IFS or ego state work.
Helpful tip: A therapist friend recommended downloading the audiobook to make using the exercises even more accessible.
Wishing you good reading!