As this year comes to a close, we all have the opportunity to reflect on what the past 12 months has encompassed. We’ve gotten through another year of establishing our new normal within this world that’s evolved through a global pandemic. In a time where people have been spending more physical time in their homes than ever, building awareness around your current “emotional home” can be a helpful tool in self-growth. The term in this context refers to where your internal emotional space typically wants to live; it’s the continuous pattern or familiar way of feeling or being that leads to doing that reinforces and creates your internal emotional home.
As human beings, we often rely on fear or shame to motivate our behaviors. So once we perform under that negative pressure and receive a positive outcome, it becomes absurdly easy to tie our behaviors or actions to a negative emotional home. If we could, instead, operate within a joyous, confident, competent emotional home, we would notice we achieve *in spite of fear*, and spend our time living in a more positive emotional home within ourselves (think, reduced negative self-talk, no shame, no judgement towards yourself etc). If you realize the more familiar space within which you are emotionally living is one that doesn’t actually feel safe or healthy, it may be time to renovate your emotional home.
In turning your hopes towards 2022, think about if you’re falling into the trap of believing that what happens to you or around you can dictate how you feel. This. Is. False. It’s a bad habit, but one you can alter with a few intentional shifts.
- Un-stack so you don’t snap. No single issue or happening leads to a feeling of overwhelm and stress that you blow up. We stack, then snap. Layering thing upon thing, until its just too much to handle or regulate around. Make it a habit to acknowledge what you’re stacking and use your resources to let off the pressure before the snap (anger blow up, anxiety attack, depression swing) occurs.
- Expand the context. If you’re getting heated or overwhelmed about something small, it probably means you’re shrinking or narrowing the context of how important that thing is. Take-Ten to expand the context: Will this matter in 10 minutes? 10 weeks? 10 months? 10 years? And see if it’s still something to influence your emotional home.
- Move your body. Fear is a physiological state and response that occurs within our bodies, and it will show up consistently in our emotional homes if we allow it to manifest and linger. If we are moving our physical selves, the body cannot exist emotionally in a negative space.
- Be patient. As you’re renovating and rebuilding your emotional home, give yourself some cushions for going over budget and over-time expectations. There are times that you may not have the capacity to operate in the new home, and will likely regress to the old home. Notice it. Allow it. And then make a move.
Ask yourself the following questions: What’s this last year really looked like for me? What have I done well? Where have I regressed or am I facing challenge? And most importantly, what do I want to continue doing and/or change?
You’re capable of building so much for yourself. Look at what you’ve already created, and just tweak where you can. You have the power to build the emotional home of your dreams; it wont cost you a dime, but it will require time!