I can’t do justice to the pain that has happened in our community over the past week in Louisville, and yet it doesn’t feel appropriate to not acknowledge the recent violence that has taken place. This is deeply impactful, and has been devastating for so many. I want to offer a few suggestions for supporting yourself as you move through this current grief of our community hurting so badly, and for other times that feel overwhelming:
1. Set and hold boundaries. This might include limiting social media, limiting engagement with the news (and steering very very far away from the comments section), being clear with friends or loved ones that you have limited capacity for talking about violence or your sadness or outrage or hearing about theirs. Maybe that even includes closing out this post. In regards to grief, I once was told by a wise and trusted person, “you don’t have to feel it all, all at once.” It is ok to acknowledge your limited capacity and to give yourself space from some parts of the experience.
2. Find balance with feeling. In the same vein of my sentiments above, I encourage you to give yourself space to feel whatever you are feeling, and also permission to move out of that when you need to. Wallowing in pain out of a sense of “it wouldn’t feel right to not be hurting” does not honor the loss or the pain others are feeling. You do not have to overwhelm yourself to the point of dysregulation to experience your outrage or sorrow. It is ok to give yourself permission to move out of the intense pain at times, to laugh with loved ones, to notice beauty, to get things done that need to be taken care of. And, while feeling numbness is absolutely typical, it is important to get in touch with your feelings in a way that feels safe and not overwhelming. Give yourself time. As Louisville poet Hannah Drake wrote last week:
Louisville it’s okay to just pause for a minute. The meeting will still take place. The email will get sent. The phone call will be made. All the stuff will still be there tomorrow and the day after that. It’s okay to just sit for minute.
— Hannah Drake (@HannahDrake628) April 10, 2023
3. Take care of your body. When we are emotionally overwhelmed it is extremely important to calm our bodies. When we calm our bodies down, we let our brains come back online, make decisions, discern safety, and so forth. We can do this by making sure we are not running on empty–sleep, eat food, drink water. We can also calm ourselves in the moment by slowing down our breathing, grounding ourselves in our senses (noticing what you see, hear, smell, taste, feel, and feel in your body), moving in a way that feels positive. There are dozens and dozens of suggestions for grounding worth checking out.
4. Acknowledge your position. Violence is a political issue. Our health and safety is majorly influenced by policies, and these policies are often enacted without the voices of everyday folks being heard loudly. (And sometimes our voices are heard and ignored.) Students don’t often get to influence their school policies, constituents may be unheard by their elected officials, patients don’t often get to have a voice in making healthcare or insurance decisions. It can be incredibly important to find a degree of responsibility that feels appropriate. It can be easy to take on too much (“I must go 24/7, nonstop, giving all of my time and energy to causes I believe in”) or to feel powerless and not know how to take on any (“What does my voice matter, I’m just one person”). What is an appropriate balance for you, personally? How much time and energy do you want to give to work towards changing these large politically influenced issues? How much time and energy can you give? Is that donating to an organization that is standing up for what you believe in? Making a few phone calls a month to your elected officials? Volunteering during election season to get out the vote? Being an informed voter? This is an extremely personal decision that I encourage you to think about. The truth is, you *are* only one person, you are not responsible for saving the entire world alone, *and* your voice matters, I hope you don’t silence yourself by telling yourself your voice doesn’t matter.
Keep in mind that even if you are not directly impacted by the events that have happened, we still feel an impact as a community. This is likely to bring up grief, with all of its varied emotions and experiences–from numbness to outrage to sorrow. Be gentle with yourself.