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You are here: Home / Anxiety / The Hidden Pain of Ghosting: Navigating Anxiety, Self-Doubt, and Missed Conversations

The Hidden Pain of Ghosting: Navigating Anxiety, Self-Doubt, and Missed Conversations

October 25, 2024 by Meredith Edelen

BOO! Happy spooky season!

But no, I’m not talking about that kind of ghosting.

The kind of ghosting I’m talking about is defined as “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.” For the person who’s been ghosted, this can be confusing and hurtful.

When someone gets ghosted, they often spiral through a whirlwind of thoughts like:

  • What did I do wrong?
  • What’s wrong with me that they didn’t like?
  • Why couldn’t they just tell me?
  • They were acting one way, and then… nothing? I feel so confused.

What usually follows is obsessive reflection—replaying every interaction, hyper-focusing on what went wrong, all while anxiety, confusion, and self-doubt slowly take over.
This can trigger past trauma or attachment issues. Someone with an anxious attachment might take ghosting much harder than someone with a more secure attachment style. Someone with an avoidant attachment might lean more towards nonconfrontation, influencing their decision to ghost.

On the other hand, I understand why some people ghost. It can feel nerve-wracking to end a relationship directly. It’s hard to say things like, “I don’t see us together in the future,” or “I didn’t enjoy this experience.” The fear of hurting someone’s feelings, fear of confrontation, avoidance of uncomfortable feelings, emotional immaturity, social anxiety, or the discomfort of being direct can make people retreat and disappear.

Ghosting might be appropriate in cases of personal safety, emotional abuse, or when the relationship has become toxic. Struggling to recognize the difference? Try speaking with a therapist. Therapy can support individuals who have been ghosted or help you understand if ghosting is a healthy option. It can help process the emotional fallout, improve communication skills, and foster better relationship boundaries.

Ghosting robs the other person of something important: the opportunity for a healthy conversation. It removes the chance to get clarity, seek closure, or even transition into a friendship (if that’s appropriate). Communication—even when it’s hard—is often a better option.

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Filed Under: Anxiety, Communication, communication, Couples, Online Dating, Relationships, Self Improvement, trauma Tagged With: anxiety, attachment, attachment styles, confrontation, ghosting, self-improvement

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Meredith Edelen
LCSW, LMFT [she/her]

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