Despite not being a new issue, and certainly one that has garnered much attention and discussion, grief during the holidays is real and heavy and hard. I was hesitant to choose this topic as the holidays are supposed to be cheerful and positive, but I wanted to shed some light on how others may be feeling this time of year. The more we normalize these feelings, the less burdensome they become, and it is with no surprise that a lot of people have experienced / are experiencing this at the very moment. Be it the loss of a loved one, a move, changes in the family dynamic, a sick child, loss of a job, loss of identity illness, loss of friends or family – the list can go on. Grief presents itself in many different forms and it is so important to acknowledge it, understand it and accept it.
Holidays can be overwhelming no matter the situation. There are a lot of good and magical moments but there can also be sad and stressful ones. Our daily routines are disrupted, kids are home from school, work routines are awry, and our homes begin to feel like hotels with no good management staff. Grief likes to resurface during these moments to make things just a little more unsettling. Our feelings can get heightened during this time of year and it is important to learn how to manage and navigate through these feelings of loss and sadness in a kind, healthy manner. We all experience grief differently and grief may look very different to each of us. We all heal differently, and we all have our own timeline. For some, it may take years to overcome a loss of a loved one, for others, months, weeks. We are not all the same. It is important to learn how to balance celebrating with our grief. Feelings of loss and sadness can be magnified during the holidays. Instead of pretending such feelings are not there, lean into them and embrace this phase of life as it won’t always feel this way.
Some do’s and don’ts during this holiday season:
- Have a Plan A and a Plan B. Most often Plan B is not utilized, however many people report that when they have a Plan B in place, just knowing its there , it is comforting.
- Cancel the holiday altogether if you need to. If it is going to bring you so much anguish and turmoil, there is next year and please do yourself a favor and do not feel guilty about it.
- Allow yourself grace. And forgiveness and kindness. Sit with those feelings and not try to avoid them.
- Allow yourself to grief. If you feel the need to disconnect; do it!
- Do more of what currently makes you happy and less of what once made you happy. Live in the present and be present in those moments. Leave the past behind.
- Allow others to help you! Please do not feel shy or embarrassed. Othes are willing to help, we just never noticed them or acknowledged that they genuinely want to help you.
- Set those boundaries. This is vital in order to protect your feelings and protect your well- being. It is ok to say no .
- Lastly, be gentle and kind with yourself
- The more we bring awareness and acknowledgement to the grieving process, the closer we will get to moving forward.
Have a safe and peaceful holiday season!