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You are here: Home / mental health / How to “feel your feelings” and better understand your emotions

How to “feel your feelings” and better understand your emotions

March 27, 2023 by Ashley Dountz

Have you ever been told to “feel your feelings” and had no idea what the person was talking about? Because obviously you’re feeling your feelings, how else would we know it’s a feeling, right? But how often do you allow yourself to fully process the feelings you’re having, versus finding something else to focus on instead?

“Feeling your feelings” can be quite difficult because it usually means allowing yourself to sit in a sense of discomfort.  So instead, you might hop on to social media to watch the latest TikTok, or turn on Netflix to binge some episodes of your favorite comfort TV show as a way to distract yourself from the feeling.  And while distracting from difficult feelings can provide immediate relief, especially in situations where we don’t have the luxury of time or space to process, it doesn’t allow us to understand ourselves and why we’re feeling the way we are.  

In order to process our feelings, you first need to notice the body sensations that you’re experiencing.  Start at your head and work your way down to your toes, paying close attention to any physical sensations going on in your body:

  • Are your cheeks hot?
  • How fast is your heart rate?
  • Are you sweating?
  • Where do you notice tension in your body?
  • Does any part of your body feel restless?

Once you notice the sensations, start to consider what they might mean and what your body could be trying to tell you.  If you had to give a name to what you’re feeling, what would you name it?  Don’t get too caught up on finding the “right” name to call the feeling; feelings are all very personal and there is no wrong answer, because what one person names as angry, someone else might name as stressed or anxious. It’s also important to consider other possible explanations for these body sensations too. 

  • Is your heart racing because you just finished running 5 miles?
  • Are you sweating because it’s summer in Louisville and it’s reached 100 degrees outside?

Once you’ve landed on what you believe the feeling is, shift your focus to identifying what might be causing that feeling.  Although it can be helpful to pinpoint the exact “thing” that caused the feeling, it’s not 100% necessary.  If you find yourself getting stuck here, you can just let it be and simply acknowledge “I’m feeling X right now and that is ok”.  

The last step is deciding what you need and how to move through the feeling.  This would be the perfect time to pull out some of the coping skills that you and your therapist have been working on, or calling upon a natural support! Just because we have this feeling doesn’t mean that we have to allow it to take over the entirety of our day. 

So the next time you feel yourself reaching for the remote to restart “The One Where Ross Finds Out” for the thousandth time because we just don’t want to think about how stressed or sad we are, give these steps a try instead!

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Filed Under: mental health Tagged With: emotions, mental health, processing feelings

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Ashley Dountz
LCSW [she/her]

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