“Ride the wave” is a surfing phrase we’ve all heard. People say this when they’re encouraging someone to lean into whatever is happening, especially when it’s difficult. In life, we have plenty of waves that come our way, and there is an art to learning when and how to ride those waves.
The art of “riding the wave” involves controlling what you can within a situation, and leaning into what you cannot control. Learning the difference can take a lot of practice but is a very important part of the process. All human beings want to feel like they have some control and influence over situations in their lives. And, fortunately, we do have control over so many things! We can often control certain factors that contribute to situations happening (or not), as well as how and when those situations happen. We can and should do things with intention to steer our lives in certain directions. Yet, there are many things that we cannot control, and we can make peace with this idea even if we really don’t like it!
If ‘controlling whatever factors you can’ is one side of the coin in “riding the wave,” the other side of the coin is the ‘surrender’ part. When I say ‘surrender,’ some people may think of defeat. However, surrendering can be an active choice to make peace with what is happening, rather than feeling like you’re giving up because you’re forced to. Surrender often involves the acceptance of the uncomfortable feelings that come with some situations instead of trying to avoid or eliminate them. Riding the wave doesn’t mean that you learn to like every situation, which would be wildly unrealistic. Rather, it means that you accept that there are hard and undesirable factors at play that you consciously choose to surrender to, knowing that how one handles these factors determines so much of an outcome. Intentional surrender is an act of control in-and-of-itself!
What if, instead of using our precious energy to try to change things that cannot be changed, we shifted our energy to riding the wave and having confidence that we can and will handle whatever outcomes life hands us? This can prevent unproductive exhaustion and saves us some energy to put towards things that we can change. The story we tell ourselves (ie our perspective), the healing we do, the skills we learn, and how we decide to proceed are all important uses of our energy that are within our control. These things very much affect outcomes when those waves come up in our lives, and those are where we can find our sense of intention and power. Focusing on these things is the productive and empowering work that is within our control. Our power does not lie in trying to stop or fight the waves; our power comes from how we navigate situations and make sense of those outcomes. Where and to what we decide to surrender to are within our control and make ALL of the difference! So, next time you feel like you are treading water or being caught up in one of life’s riptides, I invite you to slow down and consider what is and what is not within your control, then decide to ride the wave on the things that are not.