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You are here: Home / adolescents / The Anger Iceberg for kids

The Anger Iceberg for kids

April 24, 2023 by Nikki Heekin

Anger is not often talked about openly and is often seen as not a very acceptable emotion in our society, however it is present in our daily lives.

This topic has come up a lot recently in my sessions. Most often anger is a secondary emotion, however at times anger is just anger. Anger is an emotion that tends to be displayed and seen easily. Other emotions may be hidden beneath the surface. Anger can be fueled by different emotions at different times or by a combination of emotions. Anger triggers are people, places, situations and things that trigger us and cause us to feel angry. Our triggers often provide information about the emotions behind our anger. A person may express anger so as to cover emotions that make them feel vulnerable such as hurt or shame. Think about a time you felt angry? What triggered it? Were you hurt by someone else’s behavior? Were you sad about a certain situation or person? Were you overwhelmed by a situation? Did you feel threatened, stressed, jealous? Did you feel guilt or shame or maybe scared? Did you experience feelings of frustration, insecurity or helplessness?
Did a certain situation or person leave you feeling embarrassed, lonely or hurt? Or possibly a certain place reminded you of a negative situation you experienced in the past? Did that certain place trigger unresolved grief? Did you feel tired or anxious? Contempt? These are all questions that can lead to more clues and information as to why you may feel angry. I have many children and adolescents that tell me ‘ I don’t know why I feel angry’ . Once we process what led up to these feelings of anger, most often we can identify other feelings that contributed to the feelings of anger or what triggered the angry outbursts. Most often children and adolescents who present with high anger, often have strong underlying feelings of anxiety, frustration and insecurity which often presents as angry and/or aggressive behavior. It is important to identify the underlying cause to process these feelings in a healthy manner and have more control over how we feel and behave when certain situations arise.

Anger is often just the tip of the iceberg, and it is important to work through the other important emotions that may be hidden beneath the surface to resolve the core of angry feelings and get a better handle on anger management.

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Filed Under: adolescents, Children, mental health, therapy

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Nikki Heekin
LPCC [she/her]

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