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You are here: Home / Self-Care / What is in My Control?

What is in My Control?

July 29, 2024 by Bailey Mortis

At times, life can feel overwhelming and as if nothing is within our control. We may find ourselves caught up in negative events, feeling that the world is unfairly targeting us. However, shifting our perspective from what is happening to us to what we can control can be empowering. By focusing on our actions and decisions, we regain a sense of agency and resilience.

What We Can Control

For children, teens, and adults alike, there are several areas within our control:

  • Boundaries: Setting personal limits with others.
  • Actions and Behaviors: How we conduct ourselves and respond to situations.
  • Word Choices: The language we use when speaking to ourselves and others.
  • Self-Talk: The inner dialogue we maintain.
  • Responses: How we choose to react to others and circumstances.
  • Treatment of Others: The respect and kindness we show.
  • Time Management: Who we spend our time with and how we utilize our free time.
  • Coping Skills: The strategies we employ to handle stress and challenges.
  • Self-Care: Taking care of our physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
  • Accountability: Taking responsibility for our actions and decisions.

By focusing on these aspects, we can improve our well-being and feel more in control of our lives.

What We Cannot Control

Equally important is recognizing what lies beyond our control:

  • Other People’s Thoughts and Words: We cannot control what others think or say.
  • Other People’s Motivations and Goals: These are personal and unique to each individual.
  • The Past: We cannot change what has already happened.
  • Other People’s Opinions and Feelings: These are subjective and outside our influence.
  • Other People’s Attitudes and Behaviors: We cannot dictate how others act or feel about us.
  • Other People’s Interests and Mistakes: These are beyond our control and should not dictate our self-worth.

Understanding these boundaries helps us focus our energy on what we can change, reducing frustration, and enhancing our mental health.  

Dealing with Feelings of Being Out of Control

Feeling out of control can manifest in various ways, including panic attacks, excessive worrying, anger outbursts, and defiant behavior. These reactions can be distressing, but there are strategies to manage them:

  1. Deep Breathing: Practice a breathing exercise by inhaling through your nose for four seconds, pausing for four seconds, exhaling through your mouth for six seconds, and repeating this for about a minute. This can help calm your mind and body.
  2. Positive Self-Talk: Use  positive affirmations such as “I’ve got this,”  “I believe in myself,” “I am strong,” “I’m capable,” and “I’m lovable even when I make mistakes,” These statements can boost your confidence and resilience.
  3. Visualization: Imagine a river carrying away the things you cannot control on a boat. This visualization can help you feel calmer and more centered.
  4. Focused Counting: If breathing exercises are challenging, try counting out loud to help focus your mind and reduce anxiety.

Taking the Next Step

When feeling overwhelmed, it’s helpful to pause and reflect on the next actionable step within your control. Break down tasks into manageable steps rather than focusing on the bigger picture. Ask yourself, “What can be my next step in what I can control to help myself?” This approach simplifies challenges and makes them more approachable.

By concentrating on what is within our control and accepting what is not, we can navigate life’s uncertainties with greater ease and confidence.

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