What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say

Funerals, death, miscarriages, divorce, breakups, sickness, chronic illness, crisis, or trauma. Whatever the event may be, it is common for people not to know how to respond in these events.

Do you have people in your life that you love and want to support but lack the words to attempt to help?

I use the word attempt to help with purpose. No matter what the crisis or difficult life experience may be, sometimes there isn’t something we can do to “fix it” or take the pain away from someone.

Here are some phrases to try when you don’t know what to say:

• I am so sorry you are experiencing this.
• This is so hard.
• I am here for you in any way that I can be.
• My heart is with you.
• I am thinking about you and your family.
• I am at a loss for words but know that I care deeply for you.

Timing is everything in moments like these. If someone is sharing the death of their loved one, it might not be the right time to ask, “have you considered therapy?” or “you will get through this.”

In moments of crisis, the question, “how can I help?” may or may not be helpful. Although people often want to ask how they can help to be supportive, it can be a hard question to answer for someone going through hardship. Depending on your closeness with the person, this could be an opportunity to help without the person telling you how to help. Examples may include:

• Buying them a cup of coffee or a meal
• Preparing a meal or starting a meal train
• Buying them a gift card (gas, grocery, coffee, etc.)
• Offering to take their child or children to school or practice
• Offering to babysit (It could be helpful to suggest a day or evening for them, so they do not have to come up with an option in the midst of a challenging life moment) “Can I come watch your kids Friday night so you can have some alone time?”
• Cleaning their house (if you believe the person would be okay with this)

Other options for supporting someone in a tough time:

• Quality time, having a friend or loved one in the same room
• Sending a text saying, “this made me think of you today!”
• Talk about something other than the hard time
• Listening
• Giving no solutions or advice — simply listening!

These events can be a lot, even when you are not directly going through it. Consider talking to your therapist about it.

You are not alone. Want to discuss more? Connect with us today.