Recently I was able to talk with Jennifer Kramer, ATR-BC, LPAT, regarding her new book, The Uncommon Guide to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse. Before jumping into the interview, first let’s learn a little bit about her:
Jennifer Kramer is an artist, Licensed Professional Art Therapist, online coach, and podcast host who helps women overcome the lasting effects of narcissistic abuse so they can redefine their identity and build the confidence to make their daydreams a reality. She holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree (BFA) from Murray State University and a Master of Education in Counseling and Art Therapy (M.Ed.) from the University of Louisville. She is a Board-Certified Registered Art Therapist (ATR-BC) and Licensed Professional Art Therapist (LPAT). Jennifer lives with her daughter in Louisville, KY, where she enjoys making art, walking in her city’s beautiful parks, and taking naps on her teal couch.
- When did you first decide to write a book?
I decided to start writing my book in 2021, as a way to reach more survivors of narcissistic abuse in an accessible way and at a lower price point than my clinical and coaching services. I also thought the book would be a great way to tell potential clients more about my coaching program, as it can take a lot of interaction to gain someone’s trust and prove that your program could be a good fit for them. After getting started on an initial outline and a rough draft of chapter one, I realized that I’d bit off more than I could chew at the time. I was also in the process of making some big changes to my coaching program, and decided to put the book on hold for a while. Then I shifted focus back to the book in 2022 and 2023.
- Did you find it difficult to include so much of your own experience with narcissistic abuse in your book?
As a therapist and coach, it’s always tricky deciding how much personal information to share publicly. In my role as an online coach, I’d already ventured into this territory a little bit, sharing on social media, on my podcast, and with my private coaching clients. One of the big differences between coaching and therapy is that coaches, often by definition, are sharing their own story and working with clients who have suffered similar types of trauma or other hardships. Therapists, on the other hand, share personal information much more sparingly, and only when they feel it will be beneficial to a specific client. Because I am both a therapist and a coach, I’ve chosen to walk a fine line somewhere in the middle. I share personal stories more than most therapists would, but also choose these stories very strategically. When it came time to write my book, I did question myself more than usual. There was something about writing a book that felt more permanent than a social media post. I didn’t want to share too much, and then regret it later. But I also didn’t want to hold back too much, and miss a chance to connect with my readers on a personal level. I found the first chapter the most difficult to write, as I shared an overview of my abusive relationship in a way that I had never done publicly before. Many of the other stories throughout the book had been shared previously in one form or another, but the information in Chapter One was all new. When the book was released, I remember feeling a bit sick to my stomach, knowing that I had officially put it out there for all the world to see. And at the same time, I trusted my judgment. I had followed my guideline of sharing with the intent to connect with and help my readers, not to senselessly air all my dirty laundry. There are certainly many stories from my experience with narcissistic abuse that will never be shared publicly. But in the end, I do feel confident in what I chose to include in the book.
- Were there any chapters that you found more difficult to write than others? Any that were easier?
As I said before, Chapter One was very difficult to write because I was sharing more details about my abusive relationship than I’d ever shared publicly before. In contrast, Chapter Two was my favorite chapter to write. In this chapter, I talk about the death of my mother, who I lost exactly four months after getting married. I had experienced a lot of loss and suffering within a five year period, and found parallels between my deeply emotional thoughts of my mom, her illness, and her death, and the experience I had with abuse and divorce. While the thoughts I chose to share in the second chapter were also deeply personal, it felt quite therapeutic for me to organize them for the book, with the hope it would resonate with readers.
- What do you hope readers will take from your book?
First and foremost, I hope that my readers will gain a feeling of validation and know that they are not alone. I’ve survived narcissistic abuse just like they have, and together we can move past the label of “Victim”, or even “Survivor”, and truly become “Overcomers”. Second, I want my readers to walk away with practical knowledge and tools. In addition to explaining the basics of my art and writing process and information about art therapy in Chapter 5, entitled “How Art Heals”, I have also included an art and writing prompt at the end of each chapter. While I ultimately hope that my book would encourage some readers to join my coaching program so they can grow at an even deeper level, it was important to me that even those who will never become one of my clients would still benefit from my process on some level by following the prompts included in the book.
- Would your book be helpful to someone who has not experienced narcissistic abuse first–hand?
I wrote my book with a very specific audience in mind. I am speaking to readers who identify as women and have previously been in an abusive, narcissistic relationship. I’m aiming to connect with women who have escaped the abuse, but still find something is missing in their lives. They’ve gone to therapy and done all the right things that are supposed to help them heal, but they still feel stuck. That said, I’ve received feedback from both male and female readers who have not experienced narcissistic abuse, but have benefited from the information I provide. I think that’s the beauty of personal development books; we can all glean some wisdom and helpful tools as long as we’re open to receiving it. My book could also be useful for anyone with a friend or family member recovering from narcissistic abuse, as the stories and insights I share may help them understand their loved one’s experience.
- You mentioned there are art and writing prompts at the end of each chapter. How did you come up with those? Are they part of the Redefined Process?
The art and writing prompts I’ve included in the book follow some of the same basic techniques that I teach in my coaching program, The Redefined Process, but are not taken directly from the program. The main component that overlaps with the program is the emphasis on writing in response to our artwork, asking it questions as if we are in a dialogue with it. However, in The Redefined Process, I walk clients through a more detailed understanding of this process. For each chapter, I gave thought to the overall theme and considered what I hoped readers would take away from it. Then I designed an art and/or writing prompt to encourage further reflection on those main themes. One of my strengths as an art therapist and coach is that I’m very creative and intuitive. Sometimes I just close my eyes and think about how I would go about exploring a specific topic or theme, and come up with a prompt from there.
- Where can your book be purchased?
The Uncommon Guide to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: How I Used Art to Break the Pattern and Redefine My Identity is available for purchase on Amazon in both kindle and paperback versions. At the time of this blog post, the book is also available at both Carmichael’s Bookstore locations in Louisville, KY.
- How can you be reached if someone would like more information on the Redefined Process?
I can be reached directly by email at jennifer@jenniferakramer.com. Those interested in learning more about The Redefined Process can also check out my coaching app by searching for ‘Redefined – by Jennifer Kramer’ in your app store. Or head to https://linktr.ee/jenniferakramer