A review of The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power by Katherine Morgan Schafler
When my friend told me about “The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control” I was initially skeptical. I don’t personally resonate with the label of perfectionist, and for others my gut reaction was to think about how perfectionism may be an important response to feeling out of control, or having been harmed in some way. That perfectionistic part may be one of many parts of ourselves that we need to embrace rather than get rid of! (See my last post about parts work and why I think we should embrace all parts of ourselves!) Some of the reviews of the book talked about supporting “recovering perfectionists”… but I don’t want people to recover from or get rid of important parts of how they are in the world, I want them to find harmony!
So I skeptically checked this book out from the library and as I read, I was wonderfully surprised by how well it landed with me. I found it insightful, I laughed, I learned a lot for myself and to offer to others–what more can we ask for in a good read? Author Katherine Morgan Schafler is a psychotherapist whose niche is perfectionism, and her perspective is that you don’t have to get over perfectionism or stuff down those parts of yourself, but instead that we need to figure out how to embrace perfectionism and allow it to help our lives flourish, and instead of control we need to seek true power. Yes!
In reading you explore the types of perfectionism and how that shows up for you (and yes, I found some ways in which perfectionism does indeed fit for me!), and then learn how to use that energy and those drives for good in your life. The emphasis is strongly on understanding and then celebrating and appreciating perfectionism, rather than fighting against it. The lessons in this book are illustrated through funny and tender stories about the author’s experiences in private practice–and I love a good therapy book!
All in all, this is a great look at how perfectionism (and the pressure we put on ourselves) can shape our lives and can either be destructive, or, when understood and harnessed, can be used to create incredible goodness in our lives. Even if you’re not sure whether you identify with perfectionism, many people can get something good from this—those who struggle with procrastinating due to wanting to get things just right, or delay finishing a project because the final touches seem daunting, and lots in between. I love the message here of embracing the things about ourselves that can sometimes be the things that we get most frustrated with, and that finding true power can sometimes mean giving up artificial control. And, I’ve heard lots of good things back from folks I’ve recommended it to!