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You are here: Home / adolescents / Helping Children Set Healthy Boundaries

Helping Children Set Healthy Boundaries

December 4, 2023 by Megan Henderson

As children get older and social interaction gets more complex, teaching kids how to set boundaries becomes even more important. Not only is it important for them to set boundaries for themselves, but also to learn to respect those of others. In order for children to understand and respect their own needs, while understanding the needs of others, we need to put emphasis on helping them develop empathy and self-awareness.

Practice setting boundaries

Help children get comfortable with articulating their own feelings and setting limits, while also respecting other’s limits. That can take practice.

Learning how to be more empathetic can be a big help for kids when it comes to social interactions, and it’s equally important to help your child learn to advocate for themself and their boundaries when other kids are being pushy and aggressive.

Helping your child develop a plan for what to do when someone isn’t respecting their feelings or boundaries will give them the chance to practice standing up for themselves.

For example, you could ask, “What are some ways you could let someone know you don’t like it when they hug you without asking?” Go over some simple phrases your child can use to advocate for themselves: “Please stop.” “I don’t like that.” “It’s my turn now.” Role playing and brainstorming ways to handle situations when boundaries are set and they still aren’t respected can be helpful. Helping kids get comfortable advocating for their boundaries early on will help them do so in the future when the stakes can be much higher.

Model behavior

When it comes to learning anything, kids look to their parents for cues on how to behave, and empathy and self-awareness are no exception. If you want instructions to stick, it’s important to practice what you preach. When kids hear parents checking with each other to see if they’re on the same page before they make decisions, or asking a friend how they feel — and really listening to the answer — kids are more likely to follow suit.

Find, and discuss, examples

Another way to make empathy part of the conversation is to draw on your child’s favorite media, pointing out examples of good or bad behavior. For example, if a character on TV is being bullied, try asking, “How do you think he felt when the other kids called him stupid? Is it ever okay to call someone something like that?”

Take your kids’ limits seriously

Really listen when your child tells you what is and isn’t okay with them, and take their requests to heart whenever possible. If your child says they hate being tickled, or picked up, validate their boundaries by saying, ‘I hear you and I won’t do it again.’” We don’t get to choose how our child “should” feel about different situations. Listen to what they need and respect it.

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Filed Under: adolescents, Children, communication, Family, mental health, Parenting, teens, Toddlers, tweens Tagged With: boundaries, Children, Family, healthy boundaries

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Megan Henderson
LPCC [she/her]

PCIT
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