As we approach Thanksgiving this week, I have been thinking a lot about the practice of gratitude. I admit, the idea of a gratitude journal has been something I’ve struggled with for years. I would start one and stop within a few days to begin all over again. I envy those who benefit from it, but I’ve never really seen the point. Lack of consistency is certainly a factor, but for me it always felt inauthentic. I would find things to be grateful for, but what about the struggles I’m still coping with? It felt like I was denying reality in some way and then I began noticing all the signs, t-shirts, coffee mugs, and even pillows touting gratitude. I started to wonder if maybe too much of a good thing has started to turn bad.
Denying the uncomfortable parts of our lives can lead to toxic positivity, which can be just as harmful as a persistent negative worldview. Toxic positivity is defined “as the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations” (Quintero & Long, 2019). Just as eating too many yummy sweets and not taking care of your dental hygiene can lead to cavities, focusing only on positives can lead to suppressing negative feelings and feeling shame around them, leading to deteriorating mental health, the exact opposite of the purpose of practicing gratitude.
As we enter this week specifically geared towards giving “thanks” … how about offering some grace around whatever difficulties you’re experiencing? Acknowledge what’s hard about this holiday for you or what’s difficult in your life right now.
And as you acknowledge those uncomfortable realities and feelings, I wonder what it would feel like to search for and appreciate the silver linings amongst the clouds? Seeing the good while seeing the not-so-good can provide that balance that validates the scope of the human experience, giving breadth and depth to our lives.
For example, telling yourself “I don’t have a healthy relationship with my family, and I get to choose the people in my life that I call family.” Or “I’m struggling with depression and anxiety, and I can decide to take a walk enjoying the sun on my face and finding relief for just a moment.” The important word in these two examples, is “AND” because it validates both experiences, allowing them to exist at the same time without the need to suppress or deny either one.
For me, I have found that finding the silver linings in my life feels more authentic and I’m better able to appreciate the good things. Conversely, giving myself permission to acknowledge the not-so-good actually gives me hope and confidence, while decreasing my anxiety.
So as we enter this week and subsequent holiday season, I wish you a bounty of grace and silver linings to comfort and support you.
References:
Quintero, S., & Long, J. (2019). Toxic positivity: The dark side of positive vibes. The Psychology Group Fort Lauderdale. https://thepsychologygroup.com/toxic-positivity/
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