“You can’t pour from an empty cup” is a saying that many of us have heard, but are we truly practicing the sentiment of this in our daily lives? And how exactly can we ‘fill our cups,’ so to speak? We have busy lives and places to be, people to see, family to care for, work that needs to get done, and adventures to experience. We often over-spend our energy and give to others to a point where we cannot sustain without finding ways to recharge emotionally, mentally, and physically. At what point do we slow down and how do we spend our time in ways that ‘fill our cup’? Recognizing this is needed and how to do this is different for each individual but vitally important to everyone.
Recognizing When You Need to Fill Your Cup
How can we recognize when our cups are empty? The answers may seem obvious to some, yet many of us are operating on ‘auto-pilot mode’ as our default due to our fast-paced world, therefore we might not realize the extent to which our energy is consistently drained. Conversely, we may realize that we are drained mentally and physically but may not be aware of the signs that show us which parts of our lives need the most attention to achieve better balance. So how can we know that we are operating on empty and which areas of our lives are causing the most draining?
- Notice if you are feeling mentally and/or physically tired consistently or constantly. This requires slowing down to listen to signals our minds and bodies are sending us saying that what we’re doing too much or need to find better balance.
- Be aware of feeling resentful or frustrated towards people or situations. Resentment sometimes comes when we feel spread too thin and don’t have a balance that is working for us. It may be that a certain person is asking too much of us or that we are putting too much pressure on ourselves to show up to too many things. We, therefore, can feel resentful and frustrated that our needs and feelings aren’t being honored, by ourselves or others. Being aware of when and where you feel these can point of to areas of our lives that can be adjusted to better suit our needs.
- Check-in with yourself to see if you often feel as if you can never catch up or never do enough. If we feel that we are on a hamster wheel and constantly feel like we’re barely keeping our head above water then this could be a signal that our cup is often empty and that finding ways to recharge could be helpful to us.
How to Refill Your Cup
So, you’ve figured out that you need more water in that cup in order to be able to give to people and situations around you while also maintaining some happiness and contentment for yourself. But how do you go about filling your cup up again and again?
- Prioritize things in your life. As our lives and needs change, it is necessary for us to take a step back and see where we want people and things to fall on our priority list at any given point. We can ask ourselves if our current choices and schedules reflect that in a way that is working for us. If we decide that they are not serving us as well as they could then we can shift what we do with our time. It is helpful to take this step back to evaluate our priorities often since our lives are ever-changing. What balance looks like to us at one point in our lives may look every different to us than what it looks like at a different point. As our needs change we need to adjust to meet those needs.
- Be intentional about how you spend your time. How we choose to spend our large chunks of time as well as our tiny moments can really add up to have a big effect on how we feel. Do our vacations, holidays, weekends, drives to work, bedtime routines, etc, provide time and opportunities for us to recharge, enjoy things, take care of ourselves, work on our passions, and spend time to invest in relationships that have meaning to us? Even times like our work-day lunch breaks or the 5 minutes we spend in our cars before we walk into an appointment are rich with opportunities for us to fill our cups.
- Make self-care a priority. Figuring out what helps us feel rested, recharged, happy, fulfilled, and at peace is vitally important to filling our cups and to living lives that feel good to us. Whether it’s listening to music, calling a friend, meditating, exercising, spending time alone, being creative, walking your dog, volunteering, or simply cooking your favorite meal, taking care of ourselves mentally and physically gives us the energy to live life to the fullest. Making time for these things is important, even if it’s at the expense of another activity. If we don’t put ourselves first at times, our empty cups will reflect that.
- Shift your perspective. Quality is better than quantity in many situations, but we can get trapped in the loop of feeling that we need to show up places at every opportunity and if we take time for ourselves instead of doing so then that makes us selfish. Would we rather someone in our life show up for us at every single opportunity while feeling not present, low energy, and possibly resentful? Or would we rather them take some of that time to fill their owns cups so that when they do show up for us, albeit less often, they are able to be present, energized, and glad to be there to support you? Taking time for ourselves to recharge is not something that is earned or selfish, it is simply part of being a happy and fulfilled human. Doing so allows us to give to others in a better way while also taking good care of ourselves.
- Create boundaries to protect your time, energy, and well-being. Boundaries may need to be established with people in our lives about how much and in what ways we are willing to support them. Other boundaries may be needed at work to make room for time to care for yourself. Or explaining to friends or family that you won’t be attending certain events due to the emotional load or time that comes with them. I love the quote by Prentis Hemphil that says “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously” because it implies that boundaries are actually a way to love yourself and others. When a boundary allows us to take care of ourselves better then we are able to show up for other people and situations better than we would be without that boundary.
- Accept help and support when they are offered and available. Many people are hesitant to take someone up on an offer or situation that will lighten their load out of fear of imposing on them or appearing too selfish. However, we all need help and support at times and if someone else is genuinely offering their time and energy then we can learn to accept their support without feeling guilty or selfish. Accepting their help may allow you to fill your cup and be there for them in a better way when they need help and support from you.