February is here: a groundhog said spring is coming sooner than later; this year holds the magic of the extra day that is Leap Day; Valentine’s Day is upon us. This is a holiday that remains controversial in society, with arguments of it being a contrived “Hallmark” holiday and others feeling that it’s a celebration of love.
Regardless of where you fall within the debate of Valentine’s Day, the holiday is not without its social pressure. Since elementary school, we have been conditioned that the day is about expressing and receiving love from those we care about. However, as we grow, feeling sad on Valentine’s day is more common than you may think, especially if you’ve recently ended a relationship, if you’re grieving a loss, if you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, or if you’re simply feeling alone that day. While some may enjoy a day of romance and love, others may see the holiday as a day marked with loneliness, neglect, and disconnection in relationships. If you find yourself experiencing any of these feelings triggered by imposed expectations as the day approaches, here are some ways to meet the day.
1. Self-Love.
Make a plan for self-care specific to this day. Add some luxury to your day that fits within your budget. A yoga class, massage, or a special dessert can allow you to feel pampered and cared for; however, you do not need to spend a dime to read your favorite book, write yourself a love letter, or taking a relaxing bath at home wrapped in the scent of your favorite candle. Self-care may also look like creating boundaries on social media platforms that day, spending time talking to a friend, and/or scheduling a therapy session. It is a day you can demonstrate self-love and value all on your own!
2. Share love with others.
Giving back and helping others often helps us to put our own lives in perspective and can make us feel better and less alone. If we look at Valentine’s Day as a day of feeling connected to others, then we can find opportunities to brighten others’ days through a short message to friends and family, helping a neighbor, or volunteering at a place that holds meaning for you. Connecting with others can also look like planning a date with a friend or a group. By reframing the narrative that Valentine’s Day is only for romantic partners, you allow yourself to celebrate the other ways you have love in your life and shifts the focus towards those who appreciate and care about you.
3. Avoid the comparison game.
No one ever wins this game so it is not worth playing. Your life and relationships can never, and will never, look like any one else’s. You are unique and therefore you create unique connections and relationships with those around you. By trying to “keep up” and “fit in”, you often will find yourself spending time and money trying to create a social medial-worthy day, only to end up with higher levels of stress, anxiety, sadness, and disappointment. If you know you become triggered by the algorithm on days like this, avoiding social media and setting boundaries with yourself and others can make the day feel more manageable.
No matter your relationship situation on Valentine’s Day, understanding your expectations, emotions, and having a plan for the day can help you feel prepared to face the day without avoiding others or yourself. Greet yourself with gentleness and softness and of course, monitor the difference between feeling lonely around the holiday versus persistent sadness and hopelessness. If you are experiencing symptoms of depression or thoughts of harming yourself or others, please reach out for assistance at your local hospital, the National Suicide Hotline (988), or schedule a therapy session.
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